Mess

I’m not sure how I feel

for real

I’m a bipolar mess

it’s love

and other days its hate

And I’ve shifted left

and wandered and lost my way

being right

And all I know for sure

when I let it

It hurts

sometimes Its good

and sometimes I’m a fool

I wonder

while I wander

aimlessly thinking

always overthinking

if you’re real

or just illusion

And I’m stuck in this circle

without a single reassurance

I can’t let go

I’ll sink to the bottom

and somehow you

somehow its you

I can’t fucking live without you

And I hate myself

because I know I’m right

I’m so right about being wrong

and you’re my cancer

my weakness

and I’d cut you out

to save myself

but you’re too deep

and I can’t fucking live without you.

 

 

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Found

What can I say?

I’d waited for this moment forever.

I hid myself, but not that hard.

I waited in the shadows,

and it was easy,

for most people don’t care to look and see.

but I knew time was nothing more

than a blink of the eye,

compared to what I’d already endured.

So I toed the line, where shadow meets the light

and I waited.

And I knew the moment he found me,

all the light of the world disappeared,

and the heat rose to suffocation

and my soul writhed in frenetic joy.

In the dark were eyes

eyes that owned me

and glowed with satisfaction

as he gazed upon his prize.

And as his lips turned up

and his eyes full of awe

my heartbeat sped up

giddy anticipation

of the awesome battle to begin

begun

and his forehead pressed to mine

and his sweat dripped and fell

between my cleavage

trailing down and burning a path

vanishing just before the beginning of time

smiling my own smile

I reached inside and stole his heart

raised it high above me and shook in delight

a he crumpled to the ground before me

but winning is never that easy

as he chuckled and raised himself above me

he grabbed me close and kissed me breathless

as he lodged a spear into my side

and as I bled I slashed and tore at his flesh

ribs and muscle exposed

and he’s breaking me in half

and I explode

sweeping the broken body aside

I’m raw and I’m bare and I’m out in the open

and I’ve caught him close up next to me

and he’s on fire turning into ash

and I know he’s exposed and raw

taken down to the simplest form

and there it is

a hard and aching truth

and my soul is laughing

as she rises high above

and slowly settling gently engulfing

until he’s fully inside

buried so deep inside

nowhere he can hide.

 

 

Fairy tale

And the girl was left there in the night

dreaming and wishing and whispering prayers,

A tiara of fantasy adorned her noble head

and the starlight reminisced and wept throughout her soul.

and out there in the night, the wind blew kisses

landing softly on her pretty lips.

but it was the moonlight that gave her away

as it swam and shimmered glowing in her tears.

And somewhere there were eyes empty and cold that watched

and she prayed the walls would disappear,

but the shadows grew longer as the walls grew higher

and she shivered in the cold where she made her wishes

but the man remained still and cold, only watching.

And when she grew old and frail from the night,

her dreams falling left and right,

the man finally showed a single emotion,

a snarl upon his lip in satisfaction,

as the starlight finally faded and the windblown kisses

blew through the cracks where her soul was splintered,

and still she stood there, beneath the night

sinking slowly beneath the earth, to lie in wait

for the light and warmth to thaw her sweet frozen prince.

She stayed inside the cavern the earth had made

with her tiara balanced just so with smudges of dirt

and stains of grass upon her dress,

mourning her love and her life and wishing and praying

and making new songs for the universe to hear,

sending her love in wave after wave

til one day her prince will remember

and rescue her from her melancholy.