Rambled in a moment

The worst thing about all this

panic and anxiety and insanity

is that, well fuck, is that it exists

different dimensions of reality

I live for these moments

for when it passes

and I can breathe again

and think again

and I’m totally not freaking out

and I’m thinking about space

and how with our limited perceptions

we can only understand

what  is literally right in front of us

that is all we can perceive

through all of our senses

through emotion

and we’re so limited

in these sacks of skin

with these eyes

and our ears

and our noses always stuck in something

books, gossip, freshly baked cookies

and it comes down to

are you happy?

are you happy blinking away

this time

with your favorite song

and that movie you love

and the people you hug

and the forgiveness you give

yourself

ughhh, and I’m rambling here

but I had an idea

maybe I’ll think it over later

and something good will come of it

but only if its whole

I’m not doing broken bits

and fractured moments anymore

I want the whole picture

its a beautiful mesmerizing thing

and I am only part

and so are you

and we’re part of this whole thing

as the human element

and I think we forgot that somehow

but I want you to remember

like I’m remembering now

and it is good

to be whole.

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Changeling

It all began with a scratch

a tiny tear into the skin

and I started to pick

I wanted to see more

of what was inside

to tear a gap

and see what made me tic

what makes my blood run thick

what exactly makes my breathing quick

I dug so deep

through every layer that there was

and I divined all that I could see

and somehow it wasn’t enough for me

to get so far

to have reached an end in this way

and  so, the very next day

I worked backwards

and tried to fix

all that I had torn apart

and climbing to the surface

I filled the wound

covering the gap

smoothing it out as best I could

but it was different now

changed the story of what was

to what now is

and I only learned so much by going down

and digging deeper

but I’m no sleeper

and the very next day

I decided to find my answers

by looking in another direction

one I hadn’t previously entertained

I picked a position and followed that path

going straight and in circles

new wavelengths and vibrations

that swung me out

with more questions crowding in

and I can only know what I have learned

thus far

and tomorrow is another day

but until it become this moment

I can only go this way

picking up these new colors

and understanding that I am nothing

without the rest of all of this

and that cannot be what that is

if I am not a part of the whole

and so today I awoke

knowing that I am only as limited as my perception

and I have more to learn and different roads to travel

I’ll never know it all

the me today can’t know what I’ll know tomorrow

because today is going to change me

and who can tell what treasure I seek

or where I will be in a week?

And I’ll be glad in every moment

welcome every scrape against my brain

pinch in my heart

and ache in my bones

until I stand in a new dimension

One I won’t know

until my journey of this time and place

change and evolves into a new face.

 

 

 

 

Treasure

Sometimes you have to give up on a dream

This treasure you carried around inside your head

this thing that made you happy

and the universe sometimes has a different plan

it had another idea of what would make you happy

like since it created you it knew what was perfect for you

and one day you stand in the desert of you mind

and peel your skin from your head to your toes

and there you stand pure and new

bloody and raw and waiting

waiting for the universe to knit you and put you back together

redirect your galaxy

pat you on the back and nudge you out to space

and in the end you’re vibrant and shiny

a treasure

something made so perfectly right.