Changeling

It all began with a scratch

a tiny tear into the skin

and I started to pick

I wanted to see more

of what was inside

to tear a gap

and see what made me tic

what makes my blood run thick

what exactly makes my breathing quick

I dug so deep

through every layer that there was

and I divined all that I could see

and somehow it wasn’t enough for me

to get so far

to have reached an end in this way

and  so, the very next day

I worked backwards

and tried to fix

all that I had torn apart

and climbing to the surface

I filled the wound

covering the gap

smoothing it out as best I could

but it was different now

changed the story of what was

to what now is

and I only learned so much by going down

and digging deeper

but I’m no sleeper

and the very next day

I decided to find my answers

by looking in another direction

one I hadn’t previously entertained

I picked a position and followed that path

going straight and in circles

new wavelengths and vibrations

that swung me out

with more questions crowding in

and I can only know what I have learned

thus far

and tomorrow is another day

but until it become this moment

I can only go this way

picking up these new colors

and understanding that I am nothing

without the rest of all of this

and that cannot be what that is

if I am not a part of the whole

and so today I awoke

knowing that I am only as limited as my perception

and I have more to learn and different roads to travel

I’ll never know it all

the me today can’t know what I’ll know tomorrow

because today is going to change me

and who can tell what treasure I seek

or where I will be in a week?

And I’ll be glad in every moment

welcome every scrape against my brain

pinch in my heart

and ache in my bones

until I stand in a new dimension

One I won’t know

until my journey of this time and place

change and evolves into a new face.

 

 

 

 

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Untrapped

Day off, sun shining

hair clean and makeup on

and I’m sitting in front of my laptop

music plays and I’m hoping for something

to make sense

trapped in the city

suffocating on exhaust fumes

lights blinking and twinkling

and I never see the fucking stars anymore

constant humming of electricity that flows through

and we forget we are made with electricity

we are power and life and vitality

but we eat our crap

and suck on our happiness

and there’s nothing

because its all a trap

do this

do that

and I’m still here missing the stars

and the buzz of insects

and the smell of earth

and I’m soon to turn the ignition and start my car

drive along the burning asphalt

and when can I let my bare feet sink into the grass?

and lay in the sunshine

and be held close to your chest

and listen to the rumble of your voice

as you tell me wonderfully fantastic dreams

my hand held in yours and we’re dreaming

and we’re alive and loving and life is good

and life is life

not made up

not a trap

and I feel free when your lips are tasting mine

and my eyes are closed

and the world falls away

and this would be life

without all the traps

 

Today is a good day

Today is a good day my people

Happiness and truth are deliberate

and you must fight every day

to make it transpire

it started at the beginning

when your heart was struck with lightning

and your life began

your voice is the conscience of the universe

and what you speak will be

when all hearts are united

Keep your eyes open

and your ears listening

there are truth speakers

and brothers and sisters of the soul

speaking to you

send your love back

send it back into the universe

you were created for love

you were created for me

and I was created for you

and together we bring change

and wonderment to the world

and remember

we are together in all of this

breath begets breath

life begets life

and love is abundant

there is enough for me to take

and for me to give

and today begins the beginning

we’re taking it back

stay positive

stay alert

stay in love

 

back to me

I can’t sleep

I’m thinking of everything

and I have a vision in my head

and a prayer in my heart

and I never pray

who would I pray to?

So its a benediction I send out to the universe

that created me and set me here

to be here in this moment

with these fears and hopes and dreams

and a reckless heart

and a war torn soul;

please bring him back to me…….

and its the only thing I crave

somewhere I lost my soul along the way

I think I left it back in the rain soaked grass

and when I wasn’t looking

he knelt down and gathered her up

and in his pocket he carried her with him

so you see, he has me, and I need him

so please, please

please bring him back to me.

Mess

I’m not sure how I feel

for real

I’m a bipolar mess

it’s love

and other days its hate

And I’ve shifted left

and wandered and lost my way

being right

And all I know for sure

when I let it

It hurts

sometimes Its good

and sometimes I’m a fool

I wonder

while I wander

aimlessly thinking

always overthinking

if you’re real

or just illusion

And I’m stuck in this circle

without a single reassurance

I can’t let go

I’ll sink to the bottom

and somehow you

somehow its you

I can’t fucking live without you

And I hate myself

because I know I’m right

I’m so right about being wrong

and you’re my cancer

my weakness

and I’d cut you out

to save myself

but you’re too deep

and I can’t fucking live without you.

 

 

Soul Search

I faced him, standing there

ten paces straight ahead

as my eyes glanced up to meet his

I heard the voices in my head

and they all tried to be heard

as they spoke at once

to tell me I would be dead

before the day was through

I couldn’t help but notice

the panic as it welled up

and cut off my breath

the voices screamed and clamored

inside my brain for action

and my feet began to move

and I gave it all I had

as I threw my arms into the air

seeking all the electrical

waves throughout the sky

a last taste of life

and in a flash he was there

not half a pace before me

I kept one hand on the sky

as I gently placed a palm

against his unshaven cheek

standing up on tiptoes

I leaned into his heat

our gazes met

as his lips descended to mine

The voices fell silent

and inside spread like a blanket

willingness and certainty

to belong in his hell

sting myself with misery.

So, I greedily drank of his poison,

while his arms settled tightly around me

and I passed from light to dark

where I would spend eternity.

The torture of my heart being ripped

from my breast night after night

as he searches for my soul.

 

 

Desire

He thinks I’m a nihilist

that I don’t believe in anything

that my mind is tiny

and narrow

and small

he thinks I have no mind at all

I do believe

I believe in at least one thing

I believe in desire

There would be nothing

without desire

There would be no more than what was

there would be no now

without the beginning

there will be no end

without the beginning

and in the beginning

there was desire

desire for more

desire for something else

something that wasn’t there before

desire for a feeling

a touch a taste a smell

desire to expand into space

and a desire to fit in his heart

a desire to grow and understand

a desire for the universe

that created me to

understand my desires

I believe to desire is to be

fully conscious

fully aware

fully awake

and fully alive.

I desire more

every day

this desire created everything

with creation itself.