Rambled in a moment

The worst thing about all this

panic and anxiety and insanity

is that, well fuck, is that it exists

different dimensions of reality

I live for these moments

for when it passes

and I can breathe again

and think again

and I’m totally not freaking out

and I’m thinking about space

and how with our limited perceptions

we can only understand

what  is literally right in front of us

that is all we can perceive

through all of our senses

through emotion

and we’re so limited

in these sacks of skin

with these eyes

and our ears

and our noses always stuck in something

books, gossip, freshly baked cookies

and it comes down to

are you happy?

are you happy blinking away

this time

with your favorite song

and that movie you love

and the people you hug

and the forgiveness you give

yourself

ughhh, and I’m rambling here

but I had an idea

maybe I’ll think it over later

and something good will come of it

but only if its whole

I’m not doing broken bits

and fractured moments anymore

I want the whole picture

its a beautiful mesmerizing thing

and I am only part

and so are you

and we’re part of this whole thing

as the human element

and I think we forgot that somehow

but I want you to remember

like I’m remembering now

and it is good

to be whole.

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Fish food

Satisfaction dripped

pooled

seduced by poison

exhilarated

drowned

dark waters cool, and overhead

I laughed

and suffocated

as I held you under,

trapped you here

my ransomed treasure

spoils of war

excited through the bubbles

of your screams

as you identified the source.

How did you come

again to be here

in this watery hell

a home in my heart

when you dreamed you were

alive in the sun and well

beyond my touch.

Just a dream

a broken thought

a final hope

and now you see

you’re mine all mine

to drown inside this

place I’ve pulled and dragged

and chained you

Resignation fills your soul

as you choke and swallow

and change.

Struggle

deny

You are mine

as you become

everything you hate.

Capture your strength

it evolves and hardens

as you push and fight

this is your death

evolution

and I will be there

to watch as your eyes

change

staring into mine

and you will know

I’ve buried you inside

a cold and barren grave

food for thought

as I keep you hidden.

The cold and chafing chain

that strangles

holds me still and cautious

my last jerk and release

as I join you in eternal peace.