Ambient soul

Does it bother you, with my insomniac heart

To think of your ambient nostalgic soul?

Does it hurt, when my mind lingers on a tattered page too long?

Are you exorcised with every panicked breath?

If I slide my paper cut finger across my lips, will you feel it?

If I was a fire burning out of control, would you let me swallow you whole?

Just one last time, would you let me be so bold to worship you?

Kneel before you and beseech you with my tongue?

Scrape my teeth against your skin?

Would you close your eyes and sigh?

Would you look me in the eyes?

Take your pleasure while my fingertips traced sorrow along your spine?

Would you tell me your coming with your breath in my mouth?

Would you let me love you with despair in my heart?

Could you forgive me? My insomniac heart?

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Thinking of other things

“I’m waiting” he said.

“For what?”

“For you to grow a brain.” I traced his perfect lips with my lingering gaze.

The way he forms the words and pushes them away with breath and tongue.

“To think of other things.” His beautiful dark eyes begging me to understand.

But how? What other things are so important?

When his beauty is a sonnet that throbs within me.

What other things are as captivating as the feel of his skin against mine?

What other things are better than studying the way he breathes

Or if his nostrils flare when he’s angry

Or how I feel when he’s inside me

Or how he laughs and his eyes crinkle just so

What else is more important than understanding what eternity feels like when he’s holding my hand

And what is more important than I am more me when I am breathing his air

And can someone please tell me what other things are more important than understanding this universe that made me made me for him?

And when I feel the vibration of the universe’s answer to my prayers coming through the speakers, what is better than being reminded I gave away my heart and soul?

What can I think of that’s more important than the way my molecules have come to be so that I can lay with my feet pressed to his feet?

What’s more important than forgetting about ego and just being?

Adrift in the chaos of the expanding universe and I am eternally his?

So, I try to think of other things.

How the butterflies have come and sip the nectar from the flowers by day.

How the ground feels soft beneath my feet after it rains.

How I enjoy the smiles of strangers I meet in the store.

Wondering what memories that drop of water holds as its fallen apart and reformed over and over since the beginning of time.

How that child will eventually grow into a man and I hope his heart is strong enough to survive it.

But nothing feels more important than remembering how time split open and my soul was his and he was mine and I saw forever swaying back and forth in his eyes.

I’m not ready

I don’t think I’m right for this

You see?

It’s like a wave is crashing over me

And darkness is all that I can see

And I’m not fighting this

I don’t want to break the surface

Set myself free

I’m loving being drowned

Loving that I love him

And I’m in a certain current

And the world is spinning around me

And here I have the choice

To kick up and reach a hand for help

Or stay beneath

Being slowly crushed to death

Eyes closed tight

and I can almost taste his lips

Heartbeat a steady rhythm

And I can almost feel his breath

So, no, I’m not right for this

And there’s no obligation

that I should live

Without all this

And I’m not coming up for air

When I can almost see his face…

 

Today is a good day

Today is a good day my people

Happiness and truth are deliberate

and you must fight every day

to make it transpire

it started at the beginning

when your heart was struck with lightning

and your life began

your voice is the conscience of the universe

and what you speak will be

when all hearts are united

Keep your eyes open

and your ears listening

there are truth speakers

and brothers and sisters of the soul

speaking to you

send your love back

send it back into the universe

you were created for love

you were created for me

and I was created for you

and together we bring change

and wonderment to the world

and remember

we are together in all of this

breath begets breath

life begets life

and love is abundant

there is enough for me to take

and for me to give

and today begins the beginning

we’re taking it back

stay positive

stay alert

stay in love

 

Mess

I’m not sure how I feel

for real

I’m a bipolar mess

it’s love

and other days its hate

And I’ve shifted left

and wandered and lost my way

being right

And all I know for sure

when I let it

It hurts

sometimes Its good

and sometimes I’m a fool

I wonder

while I wander

aimlessly thinking

always overthinking

if you’re real

or just illusion

And I’m stuck in this circle

without a single reassurance

I can’t let go

I’ll sink to the bottom

and somehow you

somehow its you

I can’t fucking live without you

And I hate myself

because I know I’m right

I’m so right about being wrong

and you’re my cancer

my weakness

and I’d cut you out

to save myself

but you’re too deep

and I can’t fucking live without you.

 

 

Thank You

I want to take a moment and thank all my followers, and random readers who find my blog and take a look or two.  It means the world to me.

I also want to say, I’m not 100% on how any of this works.

A little background in to me.

  1.  I’m extremely shy.
  2. I’m an awkward conversationalist.
  3. I overthink.
  4. I’m extraordinarily shy.

And all of this makes me wonder how I snagged my hubby.

So, even though I suck so terribly with interacting with other human beings, I’m freakishly happy when I get a comment, or share a comment that gets a reply.

I read the etiquette thing, and it seems really simple.  I’ve overthinked it and would prefer to know firsthand what ya’ll expect.  I don’t want to be insincere with any of you about anything at all.

I just really, really suck at interacting and talking to people I don’t know.  A wall, animal, empty cup or even empty air?  No problem.  Will totally spill my guts.

Another human being????  Holy crap, I get so nervous and awkward.  Even when its not face to face.

Seriously, it’s a mystery I found the love and obsession of my life and haven’t run him off with my crazy brand of “tag”.  You say hello, I mumble a reply and run and hide.

I really want to say thank you.  Thank you for hanging out as I run in circles through my head.  Sometimes I have a vision and it has babies and I just need to get it out.