Night Star

The star girl broke away from the cluster

and gently stepped onto the earth

A place she never belonged to be

But she was lonely

and looking for a home

And as the sun would rise

so then would she

And each day her hours grew darker

and she felt she made a mistake

as her loneliness grew heavier

so she would stand at night

and stare at the stars

but there was a song and a melody

that played as tears streamed down her cheeks

that said to stay

everything would be ok

and one day after the sun was high in the sky

she was in the wrong place

in the wrong time

and her essence was shining bright

and the boy who lived in the night

came, and he stood across the way

bathed in the light of day

and as the star girls gaze met his

she knew that finally she had found her home

and she couldn’t take her eyes off him

and they stayed and stared

until the sun slipped past the horizon

and she turned away

and he turned away

and the night felt so right

but upon the sun’s next rising

she returned and waited

and sure enough her boy would come

and they would stand and stare and dreams would bleed

as her heart would cry out for a taste

and his hands would clench for a touch

but the days were never right

they needed the night

and the darkness

and heavy air perfumed with nocturnal blooms

and one night

as she turned away

expecting him to do the same

he followed after

and traced her footsteps with his heavy tread

her heart raced as she slowed and stopped

and she could barely breathe as he stood

just so close she could feel his breath

as it made the hair at her nape dance

and she leaned back

ever so slightly

and they touched

as her eyes closed and she sucked in a breath

it was better than she ever knew it could be

opening her eyes she turned

molding her curves to his hard planes

she stared into his eyes that deceived

they told of lighter things

but here they embraced in the night

and as her lips were caught by his

she breathed him in as his hand came up

and slid across her skin

trailing up her neck and across her cheek

to push into her hair where he could hold her

and tightly he held her as he tried to promise her lighter things

but she only made the darkness he was made of darker

and she burned brighter and hotter until he was nothing but the dark

and they were perfect in the night

and as the sun began to burn

they slowly broke apart

to stand and stare

and she was the last star to fade in the morning light

and he turned to go

he was made of darker things

didn’t belong in the light

and he began his lonely trek back

until he felt his star girls hand in his

and she belonged where he was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Soul Search

I faced him, standing there

ten paces straight ahead

as my eyes glanced up to meet his

I heard the voices in my head

and they all tried to be heard

as they spoke at once

to tell me I would be dead

before the day was through

I couldn’t help but notice

the panic as it welled up

and cut off my breath

the voices screamed and clamored

inside my brain for action

and my feet began to move

and I gave it all I had

as I threw my arms into the air

seeking all the electrical

waves throughout the sky

a last taste of life

and in a flash he was there

not half a pace before me

I kept one hand on the sky

as I gently placed a palm

against his unshaven cheek

standing up on tiptoes

I leaned into his heat

our gazes met

as his lips descended to mine

The voices fell silent

and inside spread like a blanket

willingness and certainty

to belong in his hell

sting myself with misery.

So, I greedily drank of his poison,

while his arms settled tightly around me

and I passed from light to dark

where I would spend eternity.

The torture of my heart being ripped

from my breast night after night

as he searches for my soul.

 

 

Offerings

“Do you want me?”

In that moment she’s looking at him from another angle.

Her eyes filtered, and blurry, like a faded polaroid.

Her heartbeat slows, down to just a trickle.

But her ears hadn’t deceived her, as he sat there offering himself.

Stunned, she answers honestly, her eyes unfocused, just barely perceiving how his arms hung over the side of the chair.

“This was supposed to be a game.”

He doesn’t say a word.  Just sits there, his eyes layering her with his truths.

He didn’t hide, and she stared, spellbound.

she stared into his eyes and gave him her truth.

Of how she craved the life he offered.

How she ached eternally for that tiny spot in his universe.

Of how she had despaired of finding a kindred soul.

One who understood the depth she was willing to go.

Offering her everything and more.

He knew in that moment, he had her.

Her devotion, her worship, her obedience.

and she knew that he would always take care of her.

Take care of her feelings, cherish her heart for the gift it  was.

The only thing she had to offer him.

Fairy tale

And the girl was left there in the night

dreaming and wishing and whispering prayers,

A tiara of fantasy adorned her noble head

and the starlight reminisced and wept throughout her soul.

and out there in the night, the wind blew kisses

landing softly on her pretty lips.

but it was the moonlight that gave her away

as it swam and shimmered glowing in her tears.

And somewhere there were eyes empty and cold that watched

and she prayed the walls would disappear,

but the shadows grew longer as the walls grew higher

and she shivered in the cold where she made her wishes

but the man remained still and cold, only watching.

And when she grew old and frail from the night,

her dreams falling left and right,

the man finally showed a single emotion,

a snarl upon his lip in satisfaction,

as the starlight finally faded and the windblown kisses

blew through the cracks where her soul was splintered,

and still she stood there, beneath the night

sinking slowly beneath the earth, to lie in wait

for the light and warmth to thaw her sweet frozen prince.

She stayed inside the cavern the earth had made

with her tiara balanced just so with smudges of dirt

and stains of grass upon her dress,

mourning her love and her life and wishing and praying

and making new songs for the universe to hear,

sending her love in wave after wave

til one day her prince will remember

and rescue her from her melancholy.

Don’t cry

IMG_0295.JPGI’ve been sad for a while now.  I haven’t wanted to talk about it.

I’m insecure as fuck.  I’m filled with doubt.

What I want most I’m most afraid of.

Right now I’m so afraid of everything.

I’m feeling so alone, and I’m terrified of feeling this.

And its in the way he didn’t make love to me,

or kiss me hard before he left.  Just gone with barely a goodbye.

And he’ll tell me I didn’t deserve it.

And I’ll rationalize that insanity until it makes sense.

Just try to make sense.

but I know it doesn’t make sense.

It never will.

I sobbed and I cried the last time he was inside of me.

I knew it was the last time and that he wouldn’t touch me again.

He never said a word.

While my soul was fracturing, he stayed silent and distant.

There was nothing passionate about the last moment,

before he disappeared and left me.

I think I’m saddest about that.  It was nothing.

And he told me not to cry because that would embarrass him.

I said I wouldn’t.  And he smiled and left.

I’m so confused and uncomfortable within this skin.

 

 

 

Fantasy

When the stars were shining

I was lying in the dark

arms spread wide

fingers tracing patterns on the sheets

and I had the music playing

the song it makes me think

of you standing at the door

and how my heart would pound

in tandem with each slow kncok

against the wood

and my lips are throbbing

and my knees are weak

and I can’t get enough air

Oh, what would I do

if I found you there

so fucking hot you set the air on fire

just waiting

and would I burn in the hell of your eyes

turn to ash with the searing heat of your lips?

The fan it lazily pushes the air above me

while the window is open

and I wish it was your fingertips

and your lips brushing kisses

across my naked skin

as I’m heavy and slow and lethargic

lost in the feeling

and this is me dreaming

of you

with your breath in my ear

my fingers buried in your hair

and speaking in tongues.

My fantasies are safe

buried  in the dark

the stars illuminating

this forbidden dream of you.

 

 

Unwanted

It’s intolerable

being buried under

and lifted high

and grotesquely molested

by your every deed and thought

as though its heavy

as though you were right

as though it ever fucking mattered

You can take your God bless you’s in the bathroom stalls

you can fake your Heaven is calling for me’s

you can take all of your unjust and unholy

dirty deeds and shove them where god forgot to look

And wipe it clean with a page of the most unholy book

the one you pretend to read

and you think you have a thought

but instead I feel

it’s your idiocy banging against my skull

and it breaks and I bleed and I want to end it all

start this world anew

begin a new day

in a new way

And make them pay where they sit in luxury

and steal the energy,

the innocence

take the highway of the bandits

raping and killing with your righteous

right hand hidden under

holding tight and I’m pissed at the injustice

Pious heads bowed in

eyes gleaming glinting evil intentions

and I can’t breathe under this blanket you spread over me

every time you utter sacrilege with your tongue

You don’t understand life and you can’t understand

You’re the evil one with your broken mind and broken fingers

and broken tongue and you have no right to

force upon me with unwanted glee,

that from which I hastily flee.

I think I’m done now.

I feel better.

I’m less strung out and I’m happy

when your voice is not battering against my walls.

When I’m drifting in bliss

and I’ve forgotten you even exist at all.