I’d apologize

I would

I’d apologize forever

about this sadness

but its an infection

I caught it quite by accident

I asked a simple question

quite the most catastrophic thing I’ve ever done

and now its swept into my bloodstream

and I have a fever

delirious with its fire

I kept myself quite busy today

trying to fight it off

I packed up all of you

littering all this space

and I put you into bags

and my body heavy and aching

I carried you around the corner

and across the parking lot

to toss you up and over

it wasn’t so hard

but I weakened my body further

and I’m so sick with all of this

this infection is growing stronger

the sadness just tearing me down

and I just breathe in and out

my eyes staring straight ahead

and I stared at you for two years straight

memorizing every line of your face

and how you were perfect in every angle

and when you smiled I was ok

and today I threw you away

I tried to throw myself away

just to stay close to you

but with a prick of an answer

you made me sick

and I’m laying here dying

precious life a waste of time

when will it end?

How does life go on without you in it?

This is not what I meant

Omg this is not what I meant

and I would take those words away

throw them in some dark abyss

and lean in close for just one more kiss

this sadness invaded and enveloped

and now I’m just a shadow of myself

I’d apologize for being sick

but I never saw it coming

and I didn’t duck

and it didn’t miss

 

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Bitch

I’m a bitch because you say so

a stupid bitch who doesn’t know how to think

exceptionally vast and devoid of thought or action

sign me up for nothing for the next thousand years

I’m a bitch because you say I am

Just a stupid bitch

stripped of feeling washed of life

send me to your gallows, the only thing I deserve

string this stupid bitch up and tie another knot into the rope

make it stronger with your lies

this stupid bitch can’t form her words

this stupid bitch is only good for your disapproval

Pack my bags and send me away

is there a special place for stupid bitches?

Do we get awards or gold stars?

Maybe a lobotomy because we’re crazy too

Oh, to win that lottery….

Would it kill the demon in mind?

Could it erase all thought of you?

What’s fair is fair, and I will be walking there

feet bare, head high

Make me the queen of all stupid bitches

You bury me with your venom and your poison

You kill the light that shines within me

you make me hate that I love you

and if I stay?

I’ve learned nothing and I’m your stupid bitch anyway.