Drowning

The ghosts that whisper to me

as I sit in solitude

the center of our mattress

and I’m fucking drowning here

And I hear your words

Stay

Be Happy

Don’t wait

I’m drowning

and I’m loving it

this sorrow that breaks me

I am so broken

cleaved in half

and the knife was dull as fuck

and there are jagged torn bits of flesh

and they’re sitting in the center of our mattress

where we loved and laughed

where we dreamed

and I want to ignite them

watch them burn

turn to ash

return to nothingness

and you’re a shadow in the corner of the room

one that disappears as soon as I dare to look

and my soul is drowning in this agony

this dying pool of need and want

I have to leave

I cannot stay

not when you haunt me here

and your memory is so fucking clear

and we’re done before we began

I can’t sleep

and I can’t eat

and when I think the tears are gone

my eyes are drowning and burning

and I want to cut them out

and I’m in love with this dying wish

to drown in all this sorrow  you made

just as much as I’m in love with you

if I stay

like you said

I’ll never be happy

and I’ll wait forever

dead and gone

drowned inside this abandoned home

its night again

and the demons are coming

and I’m so afraid

you’re not here and I’m not safe

and when I open my mouth to scream

I’m choking on this wave

of absolute desolation

devastated

finally beaten.

Romance of beast and madness

Magic passed along the leaves of the trees

a rustling exhale of emotion

racing wildly with the breeze

And I was caught up with a laugh

while the lightning sizzled through my veins

and as I ran along the property line

I stuttered on a hiccup as I watched

the man was you and he stepped through

a wildfire’s intense and raging flame.

My feet grew roots and my eyes became heavy

intoxicated and seduced, I was bewitched

as you tucked your horns into your hat,

and hid your tail under long lengths of coat.

And as the wind fell silent and the trees forgot their madness,

the flames blinked out and you turned in polished shoes

that gleamed a stepping cadence as you sauntered,

finding me trapped and buried up to my neck in fearsome fright.

A deer struck by headlights, stationary and entranced,

synapses follows the path of memory

and life is flashing like a dying bulb.

And as I feel the passage of time,

my feet unwind and the earth rises up,

a gentle push and a desperate plea for me to flee.

And I gather in my breath and pray for wings,

swift getaway.  A chase in the dark and your laughter is following me.

Reaching out it grabs my heart,

this dark and twisted sound.

I’m slowing down, sluggish,

breath too heavy, but I can’t stop.

Straining forward my ears are searching the dark,

locating your footfalls. And I need to turn right about here,

turn right, but my feet are wrong,

and I turn into your arms.

Why?  and I’m staring into your eyes burning and turning into ash,

a perfect form with the slightest touch and I’m easily destroyed.

Your hands are so hot as they reach out and stroke my cheek,

changing me and turning me and now I’m perfectly molded.

Something made for only you.

I surrender my will with your kiss, a gentle flick of your flame.

And I’ve no one and nothing to blame,

this romance between beast and madness.

and I’m a willing captive, caged inside this forge,

desire and heat are all that I am,

because of you and your hell that stirs my soul.

I’ll never be cold again.