I’m yours

I’m yours when I’m pressed

Skin to skin

And my curves are melting into

Hard unyielding flesh

And when I close my eyes

My fingertips trace every inch

And all that I have memorized

I feel the scruff of your beard

As it grows against your jawline

And I’m pressing kisses to that spot

On your neck

The spot by your ear

The one I always lick

And I trace your brows

And the length of your nose

And when we kiss

And I’m kissing your lips

And your tongue is touching

Mine

My fingers are in your hair

And on .your chest

And my fingers are grabbing your ass

And I’m pulling you closer

As my cool skin slides against

Hot burning skin

And I’m breathing you in

Every breath of you

And I’m worshipping

That grin

A smirk

A look in your eye

Your eyebrow raised

in that way you do

And then you’re inside

My body

And my eyes are closed

And you’ve claimed

my soul

With your hand

at my throat

Eyes half closed

Your other hand

Tearing into my hip

Inside my body

My soul is yours

My heart your shoes

My eyes are closed

Cuz I’m worshipping you

I’m all yours

And you’re the sun

And I’m a dew kissed blade of grass

And you are my intention

My reason

My obsession

My poison

And I am simply

Yours

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Last Kiss

You said you’re gonna kill me

But please, gently kiss me

send me to heaven with a taste

a touch of your heart begins

a mindless dream to usher

and my soul could soar

so high and climbing faster

as your blade sinks inside

and pierces my heart

Just hold me close and distract me

let me loose into the darkness

as I sweetly surrender

kill me with your tenderness

and one sweet final

deadly kiss.

 

 

Reality

I wasn’t left to fantasize about my dreams and I wasn’t allowed to stay in your arms where I needed to be.  My day was full of tension and I couldn’t stand another minute in the presence of willful ignorance.  Instead of having your eyes and lips and moments wrapped up in a hazy blazy high delight, I waded through the murky shadowy quicksand of fear.  I can’t tell them that they’re wrong, and I can’t show them how to be right.   So, when the clock struck 9 I ran out the door without a backward glance, and I wasn’t staying a minute more and I didn’t care what happened there.  I’m not Cinderella and I’m not going to clean up all those messes.  I’ll do only what I came for, the rest is theirs.  Now babe, get home.  Come home and hold me tight and kiss me and make me feel alright.  Tell me you love me and you’ll never forget me and we’ll be happy until we’re nothing but bones in our graves.  Tell me lies now but make them truths.  I can’t stand the real world.  I can’t stand the vitriol and the despair.  I can’t stand the noise and the static and the fact that everyone is insane.  I can’t stand that I’m lonely and you’re the only one in my world.  I can’t stand life and I want to disappear and escape and never come back.  When will they wake up?  When will they love instead of hate?  When will they decide that to be human is to raise each other up, instead of drop-kicking each other?  It isn’t difficult to be nice.  Even when the real world has always been shit to me, I have a genuine smile on my face and always greet the day with optimism.  Today they drained me dry and I need a recharge.  I need to get away and find the light.  I need you babe, to show me the way.  With your easy smile and your love.  Hurry babe, I’m fading out fast, and I’m scared and I can’t breathe without your kiss.

Selfish and cold

It hurts the most when I remember I’m not selfish.

I have furrows in my skin where I have scratched

I’ve tried to get out and take it all back

but I have turned a blind eye to myself

willingly ignored and willfully damaged

There has been a day or two where I imagined I loved

I could see myself in this warped new image

And I am fucking amazing and I have whatever it is

I imagine this screaming I’m hearing in my head is just a piece

a shattered ragged tear desperately holding on for all she’s worth

She doesn’t even know and she’s lost this fight

I’ve decided now I have to be a whole me

all my pieces brought together and she’s holding on to me

I’ve decided now and all I have to do is let her go

I want to tell her I love her and that she’s worth so much more

She’s worth it all.  All those dreams and wishes and broken hearts.

But I have to let her go, she will never believe me.

I’m being selfish with every push, and its painful being this way

But I’ve got her to the cliff and loosen my fist

and I’ve got a tear tracking down my cheek

I won’t let go until  she raises her head

Please, just meet my eyes, Just look up and see

This is the best, for you and for me.

she let’s go, and she’s gone before I’m ready.

So much pain I’ve brought us.  It’s all my fault.

I step back and turn into the future, a shard of ice buried deep

this is the heart that beats now.

selfish and cold.

 

 

Music of you

I can’t lie

and tell myself

that this is not for you

revealing old dreams

studying the colors

and shades and shapes

I’ve been swimming

through details of tastes

trying on different spices

slipping farther into

a dark obsession

in which you play star

and I can’t lie

and tell myself

that I hate this illness

which paints you in

so lovely lighting

a careful study

in this bold and defiant profile

of your image

standing proud and tall

casting shadows in my soul

leading me on

with the beat of your heart

This music of you

my joy

 

Anger?

Insanely idiotic, this anger.

Does it grow from roots?

Spreading like a virus?

Is it an infection?  Is there a cure?

I cannot like this anger.

I cannot like that it erupts.

So violently without reason or persuasion.

And its not just anger.

Now there’s spite.

I’m not taking blame for this.

It’s all on you.

I’ve done everything I can.

This is my reward for your demand.

Awesome.

Lost in Loops

Have you ever been stuck in a loop that spins the same thought a hundred different ways?

Have you been driven crazy just thinking and thinking and wanting to say something?

Only when the words come, they’re never the ones you’ve been rehearsing?

I want to shut this spigot of redundancy off.

Only I can’t.

Because its hacked my brain and deleted all the other files.

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

Have you ever just wanted to unplug yourself and reboot?

Reload and refill the blank spaces?  Entertain something new?

This paralysis of thought is getting emptier and heavier.

Have you ever been smothered in feathers?

These tiny weightless things weighing you down so heavy?

Imagine the trauma of a single thought trapped inside the goo of your ear.

To hear it banging around to the rhythm of monotony.

I have a cure for this.  Its called dreaming.

Dreaming forever even when you’re wide awake.