Miserable

Childhood reality.  Lemonade stands.  Video games.

Dirt.  Sunshine.  Dizzy with life.

Laughter.  More sunshine.

Rainy days.  Locked inside.  Can’t come out and play.

Snowy days are packed inside and nowhere left to hide.

I found a book and found a world.

Childhood days are left behind.

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Momentary

You can always tell when the weather starts changing.

It always sounds the same.

Cars go faster.

I can hear them racing for miles

blood gets to boiling.

I love these little breaks.  soon it will be cold again.

Snow will cover the roads.

People will drive slower.

Somehow, the noise becomes muted.

But for tonight, Heart’s are racing

and there’s desire burning and chasing them through the streets.

Passions are roaring and shifting gears

hellbent on living.

 

Untitled

Its difficult to walk that straight line

Even more difficult to blend in

She can’t meet your eyes

She’s always looking in

She’s tired of fighting

She’s tired of pretending

She wants to crawl in bed

and dream

she doesn’t know how to be like you

You live in that bright world of comfort

while she lives in that dark cave of her mind

Somewhere she’s comfortable

Somewhere she’s wanted

Somewhere full of discontent and demons

She wants to hold your hand

even if she can’t feel it or see it when you have taken hold

guiding her through this unfamiliar maze

she loves you more for it

she loves that you try

she will try too

She can’t fail

she can’t die when she looks in your eyes

truth?

She loves you and you are worth the fear.

 

Muted white noise

Some Expectations

I want to say

Still alive and well

and I hold my mouth

biting my tongue

I’m swallowing blood

I want you to see

What I’m trying to say

There are no words

that could ever tell

the story quite so well

My teeth are locked

jaws are aching

Can’t you see?

What I’ve been saying

between the static

and the lines

Imagery and poetry

songs and hymns

worship

and sometimes

sometimes

sometimes

blasphemy and profanity

sacrilege and disbelief

where I devote

all that I’m not saying

just so you will see

what cannot be said.

 

Inaction

Waiting, waiting and waiting.

Wait!!!

Wait?!!

Waaaaiiiiittttt……………………………….

It’s heavy, all this waiting.

Can’t believe I’ve been waiting all this time.

Seriously, what are you waiting for?

Can’t go on waiting forever.

Wait?  Please wait?!!

Nevermind, you go.  I’ll wait right here.

I’ll wait for it until I die.

Apparently, waiting for forever.

No.  No.  No more waiting.

Says the girl waiting for tomorrow.

 

What if

And even when you had me at my lowest, I still believed.

I believed with my heart, but my brain was still split in two.

I couldn’t make sense of anything.

Not even you.

And when you held me down, I still had hope.

I hoped with all my soul, but I couldn’t hold on to a single moment.

Can’t it just be enough that I want you.  I’ll never be enough.

I feel like I could have made better choices.  But, really?

What choice did I even have?

Sure, there were other options.  I had plenty.

And even in the face of this diversity,

I still chose this path.

As though, I was a lone piece of sand, thrown into the universe

on this one trajectory, only to end up here with you.

That’s the only sense I can make of it.  Nothing cosmically tragic happened.

But, what if something had happened?

Would the shift had been so wide and vast I wouldn’t have even noticed?

Would that one small bump in time have been so small?

What if my chosen trajectory had shifted, and I had no way of knowing.

Would I still be just as perfectly happy?

I am perfectly happy.  That is terrifying.

Knowing just one thing could throw it all away.

One tiny thing.