Dying Dreams

Today is a dark day

A day of death

My dreams and wishes had

Their chance to breathe and grow

And in his arms I found a truth

Adam, in his garden of Eden

Was the talking snake

Hungering for more

The devil was a human after all

Burning with hell in his chest

The same way I do now

And those two minutes I stole from time

All I will ever remember

Of the heaven I cherished with

The sweetness of his lips pressed to mine

How perfectly our bodies felt

Pressed close

Two perfect circles entwined

Today I learn to bask in the fires of hell

My punishment for wanting more than I should.

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Time

I’m stealing time

A few more moments

Trapped in a box I made

For living and dreaming

And I am awake

While your eyes are watching mine

This time for now as the minutes tick by

Into tomorrow another time begins

Where the suffering is real again.

the time where I want to die again.

And I remember this time now in the

cold and Frozen winter The Stolen

Moments I kept you close and I’ll

treasure them like tiny diamonds

hidden in the snow.

 

Rambled in a moment

The worst thing about all this

panic and anxiety and insanity

is that, well fuck, is that it exists

different dimensions of reality

I live for these moments

for when it passes

and I can breathe again

and think again

and I’m totally not freaking out

and I’m thinking about space

and how with our limited perceptions

we can only understand

what  is literally right in front of us

that is all we can perceive

through all of our senses

through emotion

and we’re so limited

in these sacks of skin

with these eyes

and our ears

and our noses always stuck in something

books, gossip, freshly baked cookies

and it comes down to

are you happy?

are you happy blinking away

this time

with your favorite song

and that movie you love

and the people you hug

and the forgiveness you give

yourself

ughhh, and I’m rambling here

but I had an idea

maybe I’ll think it over later

and something good will come of it

but only if its whole

I’m not doing broken bits

and fractured moments anymore

I want the whole picture

its a beautiful mesmerizing thing

and I am only part

and so are you

and we’re part of this whole thing

as the human element

and I think we forgot that somehow

but I want you to remember

like I’m remembering now

and it is good

to be whole.

Empty Shelf

There was a glass

I placed it high

upon a shelf

I couldn’t reach

when the light

was just right

it shown with

fire alive and bright

A man came by

late one night

and saw my glass

deciding he must

have it for himself

I begged him not

to take it

down

please, just let it be

but he took it

from the shelf

and in his hands

he cradled it

gently

for a while

and when he was

done he let it

go

shattered it upon the floor

and walked away

without a backward

glance

and now my shelf is empty

the fire gone

the light useless

as it graces

emptiness.

Waste of technology

Tonight I changed the wall paper on my phone

to the picture of you and me

the one where you look sad

and I’m still pretending to be happy

as we take our last trip

to the airport together

and I’m pressing my lips to this image

over and over

and I’m asking god

all the gods

to bring you back to me

so I can taste your lips

just one more time

just two more minutes of time

just bring my love back to me

and I’m screaming it in my head

and I don’t think they can hear me

I should feel like and idiot, huh?

The gods never listen

but the devil does

and he can have my soul

if he’ll just bring you back to me

and that’s foolish as well

he doesn’t need me

the walls have crumbled

and the hearts of men

have been burnt

every day in sin

and love so pure

can never win

 

Hope to die

I once had a dream

we were taking a walk

the sun was high

and the air was warm

the pavement beneath our feet

soundless as we lazily meandered

no destination in mind

as I held your hand

and you smiled

as you looked at me

as though I made you happy

and as you threw your head back and laughed

I fell back

behind

just a couple steps

to watch and bask

and dream

just a little daydream

and before I knew it

the sun was falling

and the air was growing chilly

and there was a door just ahead

and as you looked back and held your hand out

you stepped forward

and I saw a change

as though you were now part of the galaxy

and everything was part of you

the moon and all the stars

and the dark of space clung to  you like skin

and you were happy

I tried to follow you

but I had to stay behind

and through that doorway I watched you

its not my time

not yet

but soon I will follow you

my skin dark and sparkling with starlight

and we will be eternal

and never ending

for now I sit and wait

watching

loving you from here

while you are there

and time is not matter

just a door through dimensions

where we will meet again and again

and every night

separated

miles and

oceans

I endeavor to dream this dream

a silent deadly hope

buried in my brain

and burning in my heart.

Anxiety

Is a total bitch

and I, sometimes

her slave

She’s a sneaky devil

a voice inside my head

a picture I can’t control

a fear that swallows me whole

a storm raging out of control

and she swirls me around

trapped inside a leaky boat

and all around me

crashing waves in cold and confusion

and I’m right

I’m so right

I know I’m right

and I’m on the offensive

attack attack attack

and you bleed

slashed and torn

and dying

and what have I done?

Then the storm clouds clear

and the lighting flashes

in the distance

and the thunder is trembling

in my chest

and I’m holding onto

your tattered body

Filled with shame I apologize

and I beg for mercy

Your eyes tired of the fight

looking into mine

what have I done?

You forgive me

one last time

as that anxious bitch slips away

back into a corner of my brain

until I think I’m lucid

and I feel sane

to tiptoe her way back

twisting images

and sounds

and all your truth

and all your love

and I’m a raging mess again