Sleepless

Have you ever been so afraid to fall asleep

To hear the voices telling you

The truths that shred your heart in two

And you wake up in a panic telling yourself no

And your mind is a wreck of tangled blankets

All wrapped up and smothering your waking moments

I cut my fingers to let the voices out

I hold my breath whenever they start to shout

And I stay awake as long as I can

Drown myself in awfully written books

Losing my will to live in the flickering light of the t.v.

Slowly strangling myself to catch a break

And maybe next I’ll try a bridge and learn to fly

Above the flowing river that swells

A rampage of fear I’ve been dwelling in

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Time

I’m stealing time

A few more moments

Trapped in a box I made

For living and dreaming

And I am awake

While your eyes are watching mine

This time for now as the minutes tick by

Into tomorrow another time begins

Where the suffering is real again.

the time where I want to die again.

And I remember this time now in the

cold and Frozen winter The Stolen

Moments I kept you close and I’ll

treasure them like tiny diamonds

hidden in the snow.

 

No more magic

I’m at that point of exhaustion

numb in every corner of my heart

and my mind wants to remember

everything we could have been

side by side through thick and thin

dragons playing hide and seek behind the stars

rain turning to ash as we bathe in fire

sleeping curled up like yin and yang

but you had the heart of a coward

and as the words slipped off my tongue

you planned your great escape

Houdini with the key to my heart

and in no time at all you were gone

disappearing with the rising sun

a deceiver and a thief

I’m numb and I’m cold

hiding behind a spiral galaxy

desperately trying to kill the fire

coat it up in thick layers of ice

just trying to survive the night

the numb a welcome relief

and I’m done feeling the pain

of my soul split in two

I’m done being the fool for you

I am the fierce and mighty dragon

and you?

You are the weak and brittle branch

I crunch beneath my feet.

Thunderings

I step out into the cool evening air

and I’m trying to clear my mind

so I can change my heart

and suddenly there’s a call across the sky

and its thundering in my ears

and I’m feeling the thundering in my heart

beating out a tempo

I raise my hands up to the sky

answering the call to the wild

opening my mouth I scream my joy

and my feet are moving faster than lightning

and there’s a blue streak trailing behind me

but I am burning red hot and melting things around me

and laughter erupts and shoots past my lips

and my eyes are shining brighter than the sun

I am free and shooting through the galaxy

faster and faster I go

until I’ve passed through all of time and space

and I’ve found the beginning

before time was a thing

before thought was born

and all I was doing was laying there with you

my body pressed up tight to yours

and the sun is shining down on us

and we’re bathed in greens and blues

and with every pass of my fingertips

and the rise of your gooseflesh

we told another story

about that time before time began

when everything was bright and shiny new

and the thunderings in our hearts

were the song that began the beginning and the end.

To begin and end

light bleeding into darkness…

Untrapped

Day off, sun shining

hair clean and makeup on

and I’m sitting in front of my laptop

music plays and I’m hoping for something

to make sense

trapped in the city

suffocating on exhaust fumes

lights blinking and twinkling

and I never see the fucking stars anymore

constant humming of electricity that flows through

and we forget we are made with electricity

we are power and life and vitality

but we eat our crap

and suck on our happiness

and there’s nothing

because its all a trap

do this

do that

and I’m still here missing the stars

and the buzz of insects

and the smell of earth

and I’m soon to turn the ignition and start my car

drive along the burning asphalt

and when can I let my bare feet sink into the grass?

and lay in the sunshine

and be held close to your chest

and listen to the rumble of your voice

as you tell me wonderfully fantastic dreams

my hand held in yours and we’re dreaming

and we’re alive and loving and life is good

and life is life

not made up

not a trap

and I feel free when your lips are tasting mine

and my eyes are closed

and the world falls away

and this would be life

without all the traps

 

ghost

Its that time of night when I’m contemplating life

and the curtains are drawn and the light is glowing

softly in the corner

and I’ve got violins in my ears playing the soundtrack

to the movie I have playing in my head

as I feel the euphoria of another day lived

and the few hours I got to spend dreaming about you

and I’ve got my hands dancing stretched above my head

and I’m praising the beauty of your face

and the angle with which my gaze traced your smile

as I hid around the corner and dreamt about forever

and I can’t tell you of the joy that beats through my heart

and the surprise I feel when it jumps and starts

when I imagine we’re finally happy

and my blood is screaming through my veins

and there’s a stupid smile on my face

thinking about the way a fire sprang to life

as I passed you by, almost touching

it left a trail, a shadow of the ghost of the moment

when we almost did but didn’t

and the cymbal crashes through my head

when I remember I can’t tell you

or dance for you

I can’t smile and laugh and it can’t be for you

even if its all I ever want

and now the sick yellow light of the lamp

is peeling along the walls

staining the memory of day

and I’m happy I can love you in this way

even when we’ll not be forever

or ever

or now

god, and the sounds of the violins are climbing higher

and the movie is coming to its tragic end

and life is not a dream

its something else entirely

and I’ll be crying a river of woe

in the morning

remembering to forget the happy hour

until I’m dreaming of forever

 

Mindless Oblivion

And there she was

living in a world of gray

where nothing made sense

and that was normal

I totally get it now

it’s the mildest form of saturation

how immensely difficult

to be to immersed

let the colors bleed in

make your skin prickle

with the heat of the fire

you forgot was burning inside you

but in the gray

the girl was suspended

in a time and place

she chose to live

and the blues were gray bruises she could hide with shadow

and the angry red was slashed into the sky

where it could float away as though it never happened

gray was mindless

and the girl was oblivion.