back to me

I can’t sleep

I’m thinking of everything

and I have a vision in my head

and a prayer in my heart

and I never pray

who would I pray to?

So its a benediction I send out to the universe

that created me and set me here

to be here in this moment

with these fears and hopes and dreams

and a reckless heart

and a war torn soul;

please bring him back to me…….

and its the only thing I crave

somewhere I lost my soul along the way

I think I left it back in the rain soaked grass

and when I wasn’t looking

he knelt down and gathered her up

and in his pocket he carried her with him

so you see, he has me, and I need him

so please, please

please bring him back to me.

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Night Star

The star girl broke away from the cluster

and gently stepped onto the earth

A place she never belonged to be

But she was lonely

and looking for a home

And as the sun would rise

so then would she

And each day her hours grew darker

and she felt she made a mistake

as her loneliness grew heavier

so she would stand at night

and stare at the stars

but there was a song and a melody

that played as tears streamed down her cheeks

that said to stay

everything would be ok

and one day after the sun was high in the sky

she was in the wrong place

in the wrong time

and her essence was shining bright

and the boy who lived in the night

came, and he stood across the way

bathed in the light of day

and as the star girls gaze met his

she knew that finally she had found her home

and she couldn’t take her eyes off him

and they stayed and stared

until the sun slipped past the horizon

and she turned away

and he turned away

and the night felt so right

but upon the sun’s next rising

she returned and waited

and sure enough her boy would come

and they would stand and stare and dreams would bleed

as her heart would cry out for a taste

and his hands would clench for a touch

but the days were never right

they needed the night

and the darkness

and heavy air perfumed with nocturnal blooms

and one night

as she turned away

expecting him to do the same

he followed after

and traced her footsteps with his heavy tread

her heart raced as she slowed and stopped

and she could barely breathe as he stood

just so close she could feel his breath

as it made the hair at her nape dance

and she leaned back

ever so slightly

and they touched

as her eyes closed and she sucked in a breath

it was better than she ever knew it could be

opening her eyes she turned

molding her curves to his hard planes

she stared into his eyes that deceived

they told of lighter things

but here they embraced in the night

and as her lips were caught by his

she breathed him in as his hand came up

and slid across her skin

trailing up her neck and across her cheek

to push into her hair where he could hold her

and tightly he held her as he tried to promise her lighter things

but she only made the darkness he was made of darker

and she burned brighter and hotter until he was nothing but the dark

and they were perfect in the night

and as the sun began to burn

they slowly broke apart

to stand and stare

and she was the last star to fade in the morning light

and he turned to go

he was made of darker things

didn’t belong in the light

and he began his lonely trek back

until he felt his star girls hand in his

and she belonged where he was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mess

I’m not sure how I feel

for real

I’m a bipolar mess

it’s love

and other days its hate

And I’ve shifted left

and wandered and lost my way

being right

And all I know for sure

when I let it

It hurts

sometimes Its good

and sometimes I’m a fool

I wonder

while I wander

aimlessly thinking

always overthinking

if you’re real

or just illusion

And I’m stuck in this circle

without a single reassurance

I can’t let go

I’ll sink to the bottom

and somehow you

somehow its you

I can’t fucking live without you

And I hate myself

because I know I’m right

I’m so right about being wrong

and you’re my cancer

my weakness

and I’d cut you out

to save myself

but you’re too deep

and I can’t fucking live without you.

 

 

Quit you

I can feel it

the darkness

its like a cool cloth

pressed against my

burning forehead

and all the light

that hurts my eyes

is fading

and I don’t have this

pain lodged deep

inside

it’s been swallowed whole

by the nothingness

and every care that ever was

has died and gone away

inside

there is only me

and I’m worth more

than bleeding

and pleading

and begging

I deserve more

than silence

and excuses

and broken hearts

in the end

its dark in here

and cold

and numbing

and I still have me

no more room for you

no more time for

aches and pains

and lies

and

where was I going with this?

I let it go

no cares

no hopes

only blessed nothing

surrounding me.

148

Countdown has begun

I’m counting hours

I’m drowning in the minutes

I’m ready and I’m waiting

and I’m nervous and I’m anxious

He’s coming home

to be in me once again

and I cannot help myself

I’m achy and needy

its been so long

please hurry home my babe

hurry home and make me whole

148 hours til you’re in my arms again

 

Damn me

And tomorrow I’ll just hate him all over again

confused by the words he whispers in my ears

and the voice inside my head insisting she’s right

and my reality is a broken shattered piece of glass

an illusion of delusion I can’t escape

two voices and I’m at war

two different stories being told

and as time flies by I grab hold

and its slowing down and ticking faster

and there’s a third voice creeping from my chest

and I’m opening up my mouth and I’m chanting it

over and over until I’m screaming the words

be free

Be Free

Be Free

BE FREE

 

 

corkscrew

I can’t help it

feeling a little restless

intoxicated with lust

reckless

and I licked my pretty painted lips

while I held his gaze

and I knew it was wrong

but that was the thrill

as I kept him entertained

with the rise of fall of my

heavy nearly naked breasts

and I could see every dirty deed

and foul thought that erupted

between his ears

Images that set my blood on fire

as I leaned in closer

just for a sip

a taste

some forbidden touch

and his fingers are tracing circles on my thigh

and his breath is sneaking past my lips

and there’s a sound inside my head

desperately calling out my name

but my lips are crushed

and I’m pinned against the wall

where the beast begins his feast

and I’d stop this madness

if it didn’t get me quite so high

Hidden by the dark

and trying not to make a sound

my thighs around his waist

a tingle of awareness travels up my spine

and our time is running fast

And I loved what he brought to me

the gifts of him

his humor

and the way he laughed

as though the world were ending tomorrow

and he was present in every moment

whether he was buried deep inside of me

or thinking in the middle of the floor

god, and I was hanging on so hard

to all my fears

tangled in my doubts

and here we were

once again in the dark

and I was hiding

from what?

This beautiful man who dared to love me?

and I was sobbing at this point

while he was speaking the only language I could hear

one of lust and desire and smoke and fire

and I drew then on his lips

the story of my love and my anguish

and my heart was beating frantically

and this new song was an old song

I’d heard it a million times

and as he came inside me

and I died again and again

I understood the words

and how the things you fear the most

are what will set you free

and he taught me finally

before the time was spent

that heart which is free

is a heart that can love

and be loved.