I’ve been sad for a while now. I haven’t wanted to talk about it.
I’m insecure as fuck. I’m filled with doubt.
What I want most I’m most afraid of.
Right now I’m so afraid of everything.
I’m feeling so alone, and I’m terrified of feeling this.
And its in the way he didn’t make love to me,
or kiss me hard before he left. Just gone with barely a goodbye.
And he’ll tell me I didn’t deserve it.
And I’ll rationalize that insanity until it makes sense.
Just try to make sense.
but I know it doesn’t make sense.
It never will.
I sobbed and I cried the last time he was inside of me.
I knew it was the last time and that he wouldn’t touch me again.
He never said a word.
While my soul was fracturing, he stayed silent and distant.
There was nothing passionate about the last moment,
before he disappeared and left me.
I think I’m saddest about that. It was nothing.
And he told me not to cry because that would embarrass him.
I said I wouldn’t. And he smiled and left.
I’m so confused and uncomfortable within this skin.