A fury

I’ve been thinking about sacrifice  lately

and how we cut our noses off to spite our face

and we trade pleasure for pain

and if we reverse it and flip the coin

it still feels the same

and why would I give up one for the other

when time is spent without change

the sun rises and the sun sets and

no matter where I stand my heart still breaks

one side there’s pain of loss and on the other

there’s pain of gain and still I wait

moving forward or standing still or slipping back

down that muddy hill the sacrifice makes no change

this sacrifice is nothing without gain

and how do I measure if I’ve won or

if I’ve lost this battle in futility

and where are the graphs that show I’ve made

any progress and my goal is still attainable

and I’m standing in this corner and my forehead

is pressed tightly to this wall and I’ve got my eyes

shut tight because I can’t see what I need and

I’m trying to listen to my heart and find my will

to press on in any direction at all.  But I feel the ledge

beneath my feet and I know around that corner there

are no answers and inside my heart its dark and twisted

with denial and hope and I’m slipping off the side and there

is no rope.  And further down there is no net to catch me and there

is no end and it keeps going and I could fall into forever.

Nothing but questions and doubts and somewhere here and there

stands a truth but they’re too far out to grab onto.

Is this the choice I’ve made, to live inside this purgatory and

question my existence and find no meaning and no path?

If only the stars could tell me, and which one holds the light

which I seek, there are too many to count and I despair

the answer that is there, will be the answer I have denied.

 

 

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Author: doing2016

I started writing when I was very young. Then I was mortified on a bus full of people when one of my stories was read aloud. I lost my focus and quit. Now, I'm trying to find my voice and my ambition. I love to write, good or bad. So, I'm doing it here and now. Thank you.

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