It hurts the most when I remember I’m not selfish.
I have furrows in my skin where I have scratched
I’ve tried to get out and take it all back
but I have turned a blind eye to myself
willingly ignored and willfully damaged
There has been a day or two where I imagined I loved
I could see myself in this warped new image
And I am fucking amazing and I have whatever it is
I imagine this screaming I’m hearing in my head is just a piece
a shattered ragged tear desperately holding on for all she’s worth
She doesn’t even know and she’s lost this fight
I’ve decided now I have to be a whole me
all my pieces brought together and she’s holding on to me
I’ve decided now and all I have to do is let her go
I want to tell her I love her and that she’s worth so much more
She’s worth it all. All those dreams and wishes and broken hearts.
But I have to let her go, she will never believe me.
I’m being selfish with every push, and its painful being this way
But I’ve got her to the cliff and loosen my fist
and I’ve got a tear tracking down my cheek
I won’t let go until she raises her head
Please, just meet my eyes, Just look up and see
This is the best, for you and for me.
she let’s go, and she’s gone before I’m ready.
So much pain I’ve brought us. It’s all my fault.
I step back and turn into the future, a shard of ice buried deep
this is the heart that beats now.
selfish and cold.