Selfish and cold

It hurts the most when I remember I’m not selfish.

I have furrows in my skin where I have scratched

I’ve tried to get out and take it all back

but I have turned a blind eye to myself

willingly ignored and willfully damaged

There has been a day or two where I imagined I loved

I could see myself in this warped new image

And I am fucking amazing and I have whatever it is

I imagine this screaming I’m hearing in my head is just a piece

a shattered ragged tear desperately holding on for all she’s worth

She doesn’t even know and she’s lost this fight

I’ve decided now I have to be a whole me

all my pieces brought together and she’s holding on to me

I’ve decided now and all I have to do is let her go

I want to tell her I love her and that she’s worth so much more

She’s worth it all.  All those dreams and wishes and broken hearts.

But I have to let her go, she will never believe me.

I’m being selfish with every push, and its painful being this way

But I’ve got her to the cliff and loosen my fist

and I’ve got a tear tracking down my cheek

I won’t let go until  she raises her head

Please, just meet my eyes, Just look up and see

This is the best, for you and for me.

she let’s go, and she’s gone before I’m ready.

So much pain I’ve brought us.  It’s all my fault.

I step back and turn into the future, a shard of ice buried deep

this is the heart that beats now.

selfish and cold.

 

 

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Author: doing2016

I started writing when I was very young. Then I was mortified on a bus full of people when one of my stories was read aloud. I lost my focus and quit. Now, I'm trying to find my voice and my ambition. I love to write, good or bad. So, I'm doing it here and now. Thank you.

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