Model A.

Man, if I saw him I’d start running and run right into him

I’d probably knock us both down and I’m okay with that

Just as long as he never says a word, doesn’t make a peep

Maybe just let me lie on top of him for something like a week

Let me be his blanket when its time to sleep

Holy Jesus Christ if he can do what other men can do with his eyes closed…

I am sold!!!


My little Ode to a beautiful man who works hard on his body. ¬†I’m obsessed with his body as much as he is. ūüôā




Oh baby, you’re not my type

I prefer my women with a little more…..

And my men with just a little more….

and whatever it is, it has to be intense.

I want a moment and a memory

that stings me when I’m old.

and when I lose my mind

and I’m speaking in rhyme

I want to pluck it from the tale of time

and shiver as it passes over me one more time.

I want the imprint of a kiss

and I need this aggression

to make an impression

and stain me and cut me,

reshape me.

and when I’ve gone crazy and I’m burping up stars

I want to trace and regress to when I received all these scars.

and I’ll never be alone with all the ghosts that I’ve made.

and I’m sorry to see you’ve not got a fire in you.

Nothing but a dying ember glowing in your eyes.

Not a flicker of pain nor a moment of shame filling your heart.

And I cannot stress this enough,

you’re a good man,

and you’ll never break my heart.

And I cannot go another day

without the touch of the bad ones

who want to tear me apart.


And when I fell, you caught me

a solid form, and you held tight

turning me into something real

And when I looked into the mirror of your eyes

I saw the shadows of  the earth and the moon

And somewhere in the realness of it all

I began to fly apart and all my pieces drifed and lifted

And I was rising, spreading out further than the universe

a pillow and a blanket for all the stars

a stretching muscle that is reawakening

and yet I was as small as a wish pressed against your chest

Time was still as I counted all your heartbeats

Until infinity began again

And then you move, and a shaking begins

an epicenter of we, two

cause and effect

spontaneous confliction

intense friction?

All at once I’m slammed back into the ether

and I’m wavering between substance and element

and as I come and

float back down

the moon and the earth

have this spinning sound

and there’s nothing to catch

and I’m right to where I began.


I like when people realize I’m¬†crazy,

and they cry “I never signed up for this!”

As though I ever did?

But let’s make this all about you

while inside, my madness swirls

and your loud complaints are painting

oily black smears across my soul.

And you can’t just love me anyway?

Follow me a little, get lost inside with me?

We could cuddle and make it a day,

get high and kiss until our lips are bruised?

Turn this oily mess into something soft and blue?

Turn this madness into loving you?

It could be so easy to tape me up and make me whole,

But you fight this wonderful madness

slash and scratch and make me bleed

and I’m spilled across the floor

where you slip and fall.

I’m truly sorry, this is all my fault

I’ve ruined it all.

No soft touches nor any breaths that I may take

into my lungs and hold a piece of you.




A fury

I’ve been thinking about sacrifice ¬†lately

and how we cut our noses off to spite our face

and we trade pleasure for pain

and if we reverse it and flip the coin

it still feels the same

and why would I give up one for the other

when time is spent without change

the sun rises and the sun sets and

no matter where I stand my heart still breaks

one side there’s pain of loss and on the other

there’s pain of gain and still I wait

moving forward or standing still or slipping back

down that muddy hill the sacrifice makes no change

this sacrifice is nothing without gain

and how do I measure if I’ve won or

if I’ve lost this battle in futility

and where are the graphs that show I’ve made

any progress and my goal is still attainable

and I’m standing in this corner and my forehead

is pressed tightly to this wall and I’ve got my eyes

shut tight because I can’t see what I need and

I’m trying to listen to my heart and find my will

to press on in any direction at all.  But I feel the ledge

beneath my feet and I know around that corner there

are no answers and inside my heart its dark and twisted

with denial and hope and I’m slipping off the side and there

is no rope.  And further down there is no net to catch me and there

is no end and it keeps going and I could fall into forever.

Nothing but questions and doubts and somewhere here and there

stands a truth but they’re too far out to grab onto.

Is this the choice I’ve made, to live inside this purgatory and

question my existence and find no meaning and no path?

If only the stars could tell me, and which one holds the light

which I seek, there are too many to count and I despair

the answer that is there, will be the answer I have denied.




I can feel you there

you’re covered in scabs

there’s no compassion

no love for another

a simple curiosity consumes you

I’m nothing

only an experiment

when you’ve finished

and fished out all my guts

you’ll leave and find another

I wish I could teach you

there’s more inside

than flesh and bone

I could take your hand

and place it on my heart

but your teeth are razor sharp

and I’m afraid I’d freeze

before we ever got that far

and here I am silently breathing

waiting for the examination to be done

waiting for you to go, and instead

you move closer and I turn to stone

when you trace my tears

I imagine there’s a flicker of light

a simple flash that tells me

you began this life somewhere else

and in the hostile world you found this end

and if I look too closely I’ll find myself in you.


Understand there is no meaning to this word

its not something you can understand

sacrifice is something you have to do

bending reality and suffering though it

skewing and breaking the image you have

and tiny little shards that poke and stab

and when you bleed it overflows

and you have to stretch your arms wide

to catch the moment and throw it back

just so you can survive what

the universe has made

And you know you see a perfect miracle

and the spot just for you has been empty

and in this new picture you feel this pain

as the sun shines brightly over there

in that heaven you almost had

but instead you sit in hell

where your heart and your demons

have bade you to come and dwell

and there’s an equal balance

a razor’s edge that slices you in two

when the thread gets pulled and you feel a tug

and you’re sewed up a jagged ragged mess

and so you suffer with this pride that you have

done what is right and you die inside because

you even had to make this sacrifice.