Somewhere driving north to Charlotte
Somewhere in the forested mountains
She was awakened from her slumbering
Somewhere on her way to watch a dying man
This ghostly man who sang of death
She was awakened by the words
The words that had quieted
The hush that fell upon her world
The muting of a soul torn apart
But there, in the ancient hills
She heard a rhythming
And a murmuring
She just needed to stretch her vocals
She just needed to tap her toes
She just needed to get up and go
The first death had come and gone
The second life was just beginning
Somewhere out there
On that road
North to Charlotte
Where the soul quit its keening
Rugburns newly scabbed upon her knees
Cervix bruised in midnight light
Her poetic pussy was alive and well
Woken somewhere in that forested mountain night
So, time moves forward
Hot days turn into cold days
Seemingly like molasses
I barely budge
Tiptoe toward the edge
Hang onto the lip
And slowly edge into the future
A bleak, cold front
I’m drawn forward
Slowly, so slowly
I’m barely going
Can’t decide why I’m still alive
Past the point of whatever
Can’t turn back
It’s a nightmare
Smelling roses in the dark
Who am I?
And if I’m nothing but ego
Does anything really matter at all
Can’t say for sure
It’s all empty this and empty that
Rules we tell ourselves are good for us
And I can’t decide if I’m alive looking at the stars
Maybe I’m dead already
Made my mind up to leave this planet
rules are stupid
I want to be the moonlight on the water
I want your laughter all around me
I don’t really want to be
I don’t really give a fuck anymore
Can you hear me? When I call for you?
Can you hear me through all this sound? Through the traffic noise.
The sigh of the breeze through the canopy trees?
Can I cash this check? Cash in all my credits.
Will you follow me over the bridge?
Get to the other side, throw a stick of dynamite over my shoulder, leave it destroyed?
Can I live across the way from you? The river of tears that flows between us?
Will you come find me in the night if I call for your help?
Can I leave my pride at the door and borrow your sorrow? Let me sink deep inside.
Can I press my fingers to your face, fingertips trailing the path your sadness takes?
Can we sit together, shoulder to shoulder, your boulder my boulder?
Can you find me through all this mess?
Help me I’ll call and I’ll say.
If I call I’ll say help me, help me, and I’ll help you….
Can I wear this just a bit longer?
Tears as vibrant as a slash of red lipstick
Sorrow as blue as the sky
Broken pieces lying on the floor?
Can I wear it with a dignity deep as a river
A burn of sun-kissed skin
An echo of a story old as time
Cold fingers trailing the fence line
Can I stay here just a bit longer
Where love was a smile
Just another song on the radio?
A whisper of how we used to touch?
Can I stay inside the lie I believed
A forever pouring out of me
The night sky spinning around me?
Can I stay here for just a bit more
Waking in your favor
Sighing I love you tomorrow past my lips?
I’m letting it pour out of me
But there was so much
So much more
So let me sit, just a minute more
Reflections of bruises
All I have left.
Does it bother you, with my insomniac heart
To think of your ambient nostalgic soul?
Does it hurt, when my mind lingers on a tattered page too long?
Are you exorcised with every panicked breath?
If I slide my paper cut finger across my lips, will you feel it?
If I was a fire burning out of control, would you let me swallow you whole?
Just one last time, would you let me be so bold to worship you?
Kneel before you and beseech you with my tongue?
Scrape my teeth against your skin?
Would you close your eyes and sigh?
Would you look me in the eyes?
Take your pleasure while my fingertips traced sorrow along your spine?
Would you tell me your coming with your breath in my mouth?
Would you let me love you with despair in my heart?
Could you forgive me? My insomniac heart?
How many how many how many
Starts and stops and stuttering breaths
Starts and stops my heart thumping in my chest
Starts and stops and I’m reconciling reconciling reconciling there’s nothing left
How many starts and stops before it stops
Licking the tears from off my lips
How many starts and stops and I’m hesitating breath trapped in my lungs
How many how many how many days til I can see anything but your face
Starts and stops sunlight filtering through the trees
Puckered clenching throbbing racing through my veins
Start the day
Stop the day
Start the day
Stop the day day day
Pull my blanket over my face
Stop the day