Just go

Somewhere driving north to Charlotte

Somewhere in the forested mountains

She was awakened from her slumbering

Somewhere on her way to watch a dying man

This ghostly man who sang of death

She was awakened by the words

The words that had quieted

The hush that fell upon her world

The muting of a soul torn apart

But there, in the ancient hills

She heard a rhythming

And a murmuring

She just needed to stretch her vocals

She just needed to tap her toes

She just needed to get up and go

The first death had come and gone

The second life was just beginning

Somewhere out there

On that road

North to Charlotte

Where the soul quit its keening

Rugburns newly scabbed upon her knees

Cervix bruised in midnight light

Her poetic pussy was alive and well

Woken somewhere in that forested mountain night

 

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Farewells and hellos

So, time moves forward

Periphery changes

Hot days turn into cold days

Seemingly like molasses

I barely budge

Tiptoe toward the edge

Hang onto the lip

And slowly edge into the future

A bleak, cold front

I’m drawn forward

Always forward

Slowly, so slowly

I’m barely going

Suicide

I’m drunk

Can’t decide why I’m still alive

Past the point of whatever

Can’t turn back

It’s a nightmare

Smelling roses in the dark

Who am I?

Ego

And if I’m nothing but ego

Does anything really matter at all

Can’t say for sure

It’s all empty this and empty that

Rules we tell ourselves are good for us

No connection

And I can’t decide if I’m alive looking at the stars

Maybe I’m dead already

Made my mind up to leave this planet

rules are stupid

I want to be the moonlight on the water

I want your laughter all around me

I don’t really want to be

I don’t really give a fuck anymore

If I call

Can you hear me? When I call for you?

Can you hear me through all this sound? Through the traffic noise.

The sigh of the breeze through the canopy trees?

Can I cash this check? Cash in all my credits.

Will you follow me over the bridge?

Get to the other side, throw a stick of dynamite over my shoulder, leave it destroyed?

Can I live across the way from you? The river of tears that flows between us?

Will you come find me in the night if I call for your help?

Can I leave my pride at the door and borrow your sorrow? Let me sink deep inside.

Can I press my fingers to your face, fingertips trailing the path your sadness takes?

Can we sit together, shoulder to shoulder, your boulder my boulder?

Can you find me through all this mess?

Help me I’ll call and I’ll say.

If I call I’ll say help me, help me, and I’ll help you….

Can I wear this just a bit longer?

Tears as vibrant as a slash of red lipstick

Sorrow as blue as the sky

Broken pieces lying on the floor?

Can I wear it with a dignity deep as a river

A burn of sun-kissed skin

An echo of a story old as time

Cold fingers trailing the fence line

Can I stay here just a bit longer

Where love was a smile

Just another song on the radio?

A whisper of how we used to touch?

Can I stay inside the lie I believed

A forever pouring out of me

The night sky spinning around me?

Can I stay here for just a bit more

Waking in your favor

Sighing I love you tomorrow past my lips?

I’m letting it pour out of me

But there was so much

So much more

So let me sit, just a minute more

Reflections of bruises

All I have left.

Ambient soul

Does it bother you, with my insomniac heart

To think of your ambient nostalgic soul?

Does it hurt, when my mind lingers on a tattered page too long?

Are you exorcised with every panicked breath?

If I slide my paper cut finger across my lips, will you feel it?

If I was a fire burning out of control, would you let me swallow you whole?

Just one last time, would you let me be so bold to worship you?

Kneel before you and beseech you with my tongue?

Scrape my teeth against your skin?

Would you close your eyes and sigh?

Would you look me in the eyes?

Take your pleasure while my fingertips traced sorrow along your spine?

Would you tell me your coming with your breath in my mouth?

Would you let me love you with despair in my heart?

Could you forgive me? My insomniac heart?

Starts and stops

How many how many how many

Starts and stops and stuttering breaths

Starts and stops my heart thumping in my chest

Starts and stops and I’m reconciling reconciling reconciling there’s nothing left

How many starts and stops before it stops

Licking the tears from off my lips

How many starts and stops and I’m hesitating breath trapped in my lungs

How many how many how many days til I can see anything but your face

Starts and stops sunlight filtering through the trees

Puckered clenching throbbing racing through my veins

Start the day

Stop the day

Start the day

Stop the day day day

Pull my blanket over my face

Stop the day