I love you

More than the moon loves the sun

I love you

More than Elon Musk loves space

More than a baker bakes

More than my heart can take

And with shaky fingers

I press and scratch and tear and rake

To that sacred space inside

Where MY love for you abides

And I pull and pull until it’s finally free

All this love I have inside of me

Blood dripping from my fingertips

Pulse still gently throbbing and I press

my heart into your waiting hands

You keep it

And I’ll keep this burning hole

This gaping wound inside my chest

The raw and aching place I loved you best.

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Dying Dreams

Today is a dark day

A day of death

My dreams and wishes had

Their chance to breathe and grow

And in his arms I found a truth

Adam, in his garden of Eden

Was the talking snake

Hungering for more

The devil was a human after all

Burning with hell in his chest

The same way I do now

And those two minutes I stole from time

All I will ever remember

Of the heaven I cherished with

The sweetness of his lips pressed to mine

How perfectly our bodies felt

Pressed close

Two perfect circles entwined

Today I learn to bask in the fires of hell

My punishment for wanting more than I should.

Sweet Lucifer

Sweet Lucifer

With your golden horns upon your head

You heard my call

My one remaining wish

And like a scorpion you embedded it with poison

As it left your fingertips

And me a starving woman

Dazzled by its beauty

I took the gift you gave to me

Even as the world turned gray

And behind the smiles that came with it

The happiness I gained

There was always a prick of insanity

Poking into me

And as I dove into my happiness

The shadows behind me grew heavy

But I kept my eyes forward

Desiring my prize

And I thank you

For giving me one more taste

As poisoned as it is

For a life worth living

As your darkness climbs over me

To carry the light that is within

To the depths of hell

Where I’ll pay the price

Of being two souls entwined

In that perfect circle of give and take

My breath for his

My soul for a dream.

 

Time

I’m stealing time

A few more moments

Trapped in a box I made

For living and dreaming

And I am awake

While your eyes are watching mine

This time for now as the minutes tick by

Into tomorrow another time begins

Where the suffering is real again.

the time where I want to die again.

And I remember this time now in the

cold and Frozen winter The Stolen

Moments I kept you close and I’ll

treasure them like tiny diamonds

hidden in the snow.

 

Rambled in a moment

The worst thing about all this

panic and anxiety and insanity

is that, well fuck, is that it exists

different dimensions of reality

I live for these moments

for when it passes

and I can breathe again

and think again

and I’m totally not freaking out

and I’m thinking about space

and how with our limited perceptions

we can only understand

what  is literally right in front of us

that is all we can perceive

through all of our senses

through emotion

and we’re so limited

in these sacks of skin

with these eyes

and our ears

and our noses always stuck in something

books, gossip, freshly baked cookies

and it comes down to

are you happy?

are you happy blinking away

this time

with your favorite song

and that movie you love

and the people you hug

and the forgiveness you give

yourself

ughhh, and I’m rambling here

but I had an idea

maybe I’ll think it over later

and something good will come of it

but only if its whole

I’m not doing broken bits

and fractured moments anymore

I want the whole picture

its a beautiful mesmerizing thing

and I am only part

and so are you

and we’re part of this whole thing

as the human element

and I think we forgot that somehow

but I want you to remember

like I’m remembering now

and it is good

to be whole.

Empty Shelf

There was a glass

I placed it high

upon a shelf

I couldn’t reach

when the light

was just right

it shown with

fire alive and bright

A man came by

late one night

and saw my glass

deciding he must

have it for himself

I begged him not

to take it

down

please, just let it be

but he took it

from the shelf

and in his hands

he cradled it

gently

for a while

and when he was

done he let it

go

shattered it upon the floor

and walked away

without a backward

glance

and now my shelf is empty

the fire gone

the light useless

as it graces

emptiness.